The Scarlet Letter & Our Connection to our Body, Parts of Us, and our Shadow. Letting Go of Complex Survival Techniques.
- tbarghamadi13
- Jul 31
- 9 min read
July 31, 2025
Having a Curiosity towards:
Somatic (body-based)
Parts-Based (IFS-informed)
& Shadow (Jungian)
ideas can facilitate a deeper understanding of oneself.
The body keeps the score- not just metaphorically, but through neural pathways, stress responses, and stored survival patterns.
In moments where we felt unsafe, unloved, unimportant in our lives- our physical body flinched, braced, withdrew, and held the emotion pain in within it.
It can manifest in our muscles, in our organs, in our bones, in our faces, in our posture.
Our body holds the pain we felt, until we safely release it.
It’s not a life sentence, but it is something we need to be intentional about if we want to let it go.
When we sit with our patterns, notice and acknowledge our parts, shadows, and pains, we can slowly heal.
We can break generational cycles of trauma and pain that have been stored in our lineage.
What our ancestors held within their bodies, what our parents and grandparents held in their bodies/patterns was passed down to us.
Both the trauma, and the wisdom.
When we grow up with trauma, we can start to create complex survival strategies —
We might dissociate — go numb, space out, feel unreal — because being in our body felt unsafe.
We might over-intellectualize, trying to think our way out of feelings we were never taught how to hold.
We might stay overly busy, constantly achieving or tending to others, as a way to avoid sitting with what aches inside.
We might restrict food when emotions felt too big or chaotic, or binge when we felt hollow or disconnected.
We might collapse into shame or freeze in silence, because our body learned that speaking up wasn’t safe.
Or we might fight — defensively, reactively, with emotional coldness — to avoid closeness, to avoid the deeper aches that are bubbling beneath the surface.
All of these are adaptations. Protective mechanisms.
Survival strategies humans have used to stay safe.
The benefit was safety, the cost became guardedness.
It is the body’s attempt to survive, protect, and make sense of a world that felt unpredictable or overwhelming.
The parts of us that hold these tendencies (I.e. protective parts of us in IFS & the shadow In Jungian/Depth Psychology), often get a bad rep.
But think about it this way, within your internal system- these parts tried to keep you safe. They did so by taking on the job nobody wanted.
Somebody within you had to step up and help when you were hurting- and this part did.
And it did so the only way it knew how to.
This part was likely not taught by caregivers how to handle the deep pain they were in.
Intergenerational trauma is at play here.
For many generations, counseling was not accessible ( or accepted)
, and most people don’t have access to an elder/mentor/leader who could hold space for them.
It is a privilege to get to heal in the ways our ancestors (and previous generations) were not able to.
A quote I like to foster empathy and compassion is, “your parents may not have broken every cycle- but that doesn’t mean they didn’t break any.”
And now, you get to heal even further. You get to break cycles & create a more positive life for yourself & future generations (if you so choose).
Let’s look at this through the lens of Parts Work (internal family system informed).
When you notice your survival mechanisms at play- numbing out, acting out, losing yourself in other, ‘insert your survival mechanisms here’-
Be curious with the part of you who is engaging in this behavior.
Witness it without trying to change it.
Try to understand it.
Here is where it is your role as your Self to help this part of you.
This part wants to be nurtured by you- to understood without an agenda.
Don’t abandon this part of you and ignore it when its acting out to protect you-
Notice its efforts, thank it, and teach it a new way.
This is our responsibility as adults.
Our responsibility is to help the parts of us who have never been helped before.
And how do we help? By trying to understand the part-
By being curious with it.
Again, Curiosity with no agenda.
Parts can sense from 10 miles away when we are trying to just “fix them.” Or just “get them to be fine.”
Quick fixes & avoidance are incompatible with deep internal work.
We cannot heal what we refuse to acknowledge.
I love the Carl Rogers quote: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Bringing these shadow parts to the surface is essential — because we can’t heal what we refuse to see.
Shadow work is like gently turning on a candle in the attic of the soul — illuminating the corners where old hurts, hidden fears, and protective parts have quietly lived. Where they have been exiled to.
It’s not about banishing the dark, but sitting with our shadow/the parts of us we ignore kindly, until they softens and tells their stories.
So-
How can you get to know this part of you/understand your shadow self?
Well first, you have to be open to doing the work.
And then you also have to want to do the work- even when it is difficult.
From my experience, you almost have to approach it as, "Nothing can stop me from doing this work. I will keep coming back and rooting deeper into it. Because I know it is worth It."
Not letting perfectionism/avoidance/defensiveness/the need to be right/etc get in the way.
And it is difficult/challenging/different than what we are used to.
Sometimes that is where we have to build openness.
Knowing that its a difficult task, but that it will get us closer to ourselves.
And we have to be truthful with ourselves- am I ready to do the work? Do I want to? Do I have support systems in place to hold me?
Honesty is at the forefront here. Honesty about our capacity, limits, and our “less than desirable” patterns.
Now lets say you are ready & looking for a place to start- a parts work approach.
You can channel a quality of Self:
Curiosity, Compassion, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Confidence, Creativity, and/or Connectedness
(the qualities of Self in Internal Family Systems).
If you struggle with connecting to one of these qualities- meditate on them. Just notice what comes up. That is a great first step. This is a slow process, so allow yourself to unfold.
Another way to connect is to envision a moment where you felt awe/curiosity or any quality of self/loved-
Can you remember what that feeling felt like in your body? Channel that towards your parts/shadow.
Leave the agenda behind and try to be curious with this part.
Here are 6F’s from Internal Family Systems therapy that provide a framework to getting to know parts:
1. Find
First, just notice the part — where is it showing up? Is it a feeling, a thought, a tightness in your chest? You don’t have to fix it. Just get curious.
✨ “Where do I feel this part in my body or mind right now?”✨ “How does it let me know it’s here?”
2. Focus
Turn toward it gently — like you’re shining a soft light on it.Let it know you’re here. That you’re willing to listen.
✨ “Can I sit with this part for a moment?”✨ “What’s it trying to show me?”
3. Flesh Out
Get a little closer. What’s its texture? Its energy? Its voice or shape?Sometimes it feels like a younger version of you. Sometimes it’s more like a mood, or a color, or a presence.
✨ “What does this part feel like inside?”✨ “If it had an age or an image, what would it be?”
4. Feel Toward
This is a crucial step-
Pause and check in: how do you feel about this part?
Not how it feels — but how you feel toward it.
That’s a key distinction.
If you dont feel curious, open, loving towards this part- it can be a sign that maybe you are blended with a different part of you- rather than channeling self.
✨ “Can I offer it a little compassion, or curiosity?”✨ “Or is another part stepping in here — maybe one that’s judging or afraid?”
That’s okay, too. You can ask that part to soften or step back for just a moment.
5. BeFriend
Let this part know you see it. That you're not here to shame it or push it away — you're here to understand.You might even thank it for trying to help.
✨ “Hey — I see you. I want to get to know you better.”✨ “What do you want me to know about what you’ve been carrying?”✨ “What have you been trying to protect me from?”
6. Fear (of letting go)
Most parts aren’t doing what they do just because.
They’re usually scared — scared of what might happen if they stop.
Parts often feel scared to leave their role- “if I stop ruminating, bad things will happen!”
✨ “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t [numb / restrict / stay quiet / lash out / disappear/become cold]?”✨ “What would you need to feel safe enough to do something different?”
Now lets look at it through a Somatic (body based) Lens.
Sometimes, we carry so much in our bodies without even realizing it.
I notice that in times of trauma throughout my life, I physically stiffened my heart.
I built armor around my heart, and I was guarded.
In my mind’s eye, I could envision a fortress with plenty of locks on the all of the many doors on the surface of my heart.
The fear, the feelings of unworthiness, & the trauma had stayed on my heart like the Scarlet letter A on Hester Prynne’s chest (Scarlet Letter book reference). Look out for some shadow work on this at the end of this post if you are interested.
In working through some of those blockages, I notice that my heart has the ability to feel soft again. This is wild to be because I previously could not even notice that my heart was stiffened. It just felt "normal" to me. It had become my baseline.
One of my favorite quotes from the Scarlet Letter is, “She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom”
The muscle memory of trauma can feel very normalized to us, especially if we have spent a lot of time outside of our bodies.
Each person’s body & experiences are different.
Sometimes,
Our shoulders curl in.
Our chest tightens to protect us.
We fold inward — not just physically, but emotionally.
It’s the body saying, “It’s too much. Let me shield you.”
That’s why trauma informed heart-opening yoga can feel so tender — and sometimes, emotional. It invites the body to soften its armor.
To peel back the layers — slowly, safely — and say,
“I don’t have to brace anymore. I’m allowed to open.”
When we stretch the chest & lift the heart
we’re not just moving muscles —
we’re sending the nervous system a new message:
“There’s space for you now.”
“You don’t have to hide.”
“You’re safe enough to feel.”
Disclaimer: This is not medical or therapeutic advice, and any yoga or parts work or shadow work should be done at your own discretion. Always listen to your body and consult with a qualified professional if needed. You are your own best guide. Work towards trusting yourself.
I invite you to notice, “what does heart opening look like for you?”
When do you feel free? Even for a moment? Can you engage in it more? I have heard these moments be called ✨glimmers✨, and I love that.
Some of the ways I enjoy connecting to myself are through being in nature, doing yoga, connecting with my partner, engaging in shadow work, and listening to music.
Find what works for you :).
And if you want an enchanting Persian album to listen to- here is one of my favorite albums for heart softening- 💿 (available on Youtube & Spotify). Its not about understanding the words (though they are beautiful), but about letting your heart feeeeel.
Khodavandeh Asrar By Homayoun Shajarian
