Radical Responsibilty

March 26, 2025

Radical Responsibility is a concept within existential philosophy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and many other psychological theories and philosophies.

The idea is that in order to see changes in our lives, we need to truly and honestly take ownership of them.

It starts with Radical Acceptance of our circumstances. This means noticing the cards we’ve been dealt, accepting our circumstances just as they are, and not getting stuck in endless loops of complaining and blaming.

Don’t hear what I’m not saying—I am not saying that our traumas don’t matter, that systemic oppression doesn’t exist, or that this world isn’t unfair.

It is unfair. It’s not okay that life is so difficult. Feeling our feelings, venting to our friends and family, and releasing emotions somatically through movement are all necessary parts of acceptance.

And—when we get caught in only complaining and doing nothing to better our lives, we become disempowered.

Radical acceptance means noticing what life looks like and acknowledging our role in it. It’s about feeling our emotions, processing the meanings we’ve attached to them, and understanding that when we stay stuck in loops of complaining without taking action, we create an additional layer of distress for ourselves.

That distress feeds into even more feelings of hopelessness and, again, disempowerment.

Instead, we can accept where we are and start looking at our own role in our healing.

Yes, we cannot control everything—but we do still have agency over our lives.

For example, let’s say we start spiraling into anxious overthinking.

We can notice the spiral and name it.

We can use our toolbox of skills—taking deep breaths (DBT), reminding ourselves that overthinking is underfeeling, and sitting with the parts of us that are freaking out. We can reassure them, ask what they need from us, and recognize that sometimes, parts of us are stuck in 2006 when it’s actually 2025.

It’s our role to remind those scared parts that we’re okay now. That we will love, nurture, and protect ourselves through life’s storms (Parts Work, Internal Family Systems).

We can move the stuck energy out—shake it off, scream into a pillow, put on music and dance it out (Somatic Techniques).

These are just a few ways we can practice radical responsibility and help ourselves.

Our thoughts, our inner monologue, and how we speak to ourselves are the substance of our lives.

We are capable of making changes.

We can become more empowered.

And that is the responsible thing to do.

It’s not easy, and I can promise you it’s difficult.

Rewiring decades of trauma responses and autopilot behaviors is absolutely a labor of love.

But you deserve to love yourself and love your life. 🌼

I’ll leave you with one last example to illustrate this shift.

Let’s say a sweet little child is asking for your attention.

She’s pulling on your pant leg, saying, “Pay attention to me! Pay attention to me! Now! Now! Now!”

This is a part of you.

She is asking for you, as your adult self, to listen to her and let her know she’s okay. That you will take care of her through everything, no matter what.

If you look at this child, ignore her, speak over her, and then spiral into blaming your parents for never teaching you skills, blaming the broken system, and breaking down alongside her—that child never gets helped. If anything, you are now mimicking what your own parents might have done: becoming too dysregulated to honor your needs and making it about yourself. Over time, that child will stop asking for help. This can manifest as prolonged existential depression, chronic hopelessness, and emotional shutdown.

Now, let’s take a more empowered approach—

She’s pulling on your pant leg, saying, “Pay attention to me! Pay attention to me! Now! Now! Now!”

You get down to her level and say, “Hi, sweet girl. I see that you’re in distress. What’s happening for you? I’m here for you. I’m listening.” You sit with her, validate her feelings, and tell her, “I love you. I am a capable adult, and I will always hold your hand. It’s not your job to figure life out—you’re a child. I’m here. I’ve got you. These are worries for adults, not children. I appreciate you bringing this to me, but I’ll take it from here. Do you need a hug?”

Different parts of us need different things. In session, I can help you explore what your inner child fears and how you might support them.

But this shift is powerful.

When we take radical responsibility and start driving our own lives instead of sitting in the passenger seat, life becomes so much more open, free, and joyous. 🌱🌼🕯🧸🌕✨

A sweet illustration that can explain this concept :)