Philosophy & Techniques for hard times: Changing How You Relate To Hardship
- tbarghamadi13
- May 21
- 3 min read
Updated: May 22
May 21, 2025
Inner peace doesn’t come from something being fixed.
It comes from an alchemy within.
We often think that resolving a situation will bring us peace—
But life will always throw us curveballs.
It’s up to us to face life differently—to relate to ourselves differently.
To treat ourselves with compassion rather than beating ourselves up during hard times.
It's important to strengthen the muscle of self-compassion.
As we become more skilled at it, challenges no longer feel so threatening—because we know we will nurture and support ourselves through them.
We begin to believe that we can learn from whatever comes our way.
Alternatively, if we think, “Once this situation is resolved, I won’t feel anxious anymore,” or “Once this is fixed, I’ll be okay,”
we get stuck in a never ending loop of looking externally for inner peace.
Inner peace is finicky that way—it never comes from outside.
But if we ask ourselves:
Who do I want to be through this uncertain journey?
Do I want to be more patient?
Do I want to treat myself with more kindness?
Do I want to get to know the parts of me that are holding fear and anxiety?
Then we can see every challenge as an opportunity for growth.
When you’re going through a hard time, being your own best friend is vital.
If you know that you will meet yourself with kindness—even in the darkest moments—facing life’s challenges becomes much more bearable.
Without that self-compassion, every challenge becomes even more horrible and more dreadful than it needs to be.
But if you know, “No matter what I’m going through, I will grow and become a more capable version of myself,” you empower yourself to move forward—without the added weight of inner criticism.
So, how do you do this?
When you start spiraling, remind yourself: Rumination isn’t actually helping.
Rumination is an illusion of control.
Gently remind yourself of this.
Take a few deep breaths.
Tune in to the parts of you that need attention:
Is there a younger part stuck in the past?
A part that lived through unsafe, terrifying moments?
Is that part remembering how high the stakes once were?
Does it believe that staying anxious and ruminating is the only way to stay safe?
These feelings are so valid.
And this part of you needs your help.
It deserves to be witnessed—and cared for—by you.
In session, we can work on understanding this part and creating space for it.
And outside of session, it deserves your attention too.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
You don’t have to be a wise sage with all the answers.
Often, our parts just need to know they aren’t alone. We are here as our Self with them.
It can be incredible to channel Courage through these times.
Or any of the qualities of Self (from IFS):
Curiosity, Compassion, Courage, Creativity, Connection, Confidence, Calm, and Clarity.
For my perfectionists: You don’t need to be 100% in Self. Or 100% Courageous.
Just a percentage will do. :)
It’s about the intention to show up and try your best. 🌱
Listen to your parts. Reassure them that you’ve got this. Ask: What do you need from me right now?
Other helpful techniques:
Have a go-to meditation or a calming song you can listen to during stressful moments.
Create a "calm place" in your mind—draw it, write about it, or collage it.
Create art—draw, paint, write poetry—anything that feels expressive.
Creativity is one of the qualities of Self.
Ever started a creative project and felt like you couldn't stop? That’s flow. That’s being in Self.
Put on music you love and move your body to it.
Healing is holding yourself kindly through difficulty.
Healing is treating yourself with compassion and nurturance.
Healing is showing up for yourself, even when it's scary—especially then.
Channel your Courage.
You do have it in you.
That’s how you’ve gotten this far. <3
We cannot control what life throws at us. But our mindset—and the skills we develop—make all the difference.
The existential reality is: We can’t control life. We do have agency over how we go through hard times. Challenging seasons of life.
As cliché as it sounds:
The journey matters more than the destination.
And who you are during the journey, how treat yourself during the journey.
Those are the things that make the biggest difference.
Who do you hope to be at the end of the journey?
How can you become that person now? How can you get a percentage closer?
What if peace, contentment, and fulfillment all come from the everyday choice-
To meet yourself with kindness,
To practice compassion,
To stay connected to your values—
What if it’s about the journey, not the destination?
With tenderness,
Tara
