October 23, 2024
I felt called to write this blog post today when I misplaced my wallet and had a whole journey around finding it, and finding and comforting my younger self ( a young part of me) through the process.
I had looked around my apartment for my wallet in all the spots I assumed it would be, and it simply was not there. I even asked my partner to help me find it, because my partner is magic at finding stuff I cannot find. When my partner also could not find it, I began to feel down on myself.
I began to hear messages from my childhood like “Tara you need to organize your room better, you are a slob. No wonder you can’t find anything. You need to be better. How are you going to make it in this life if you cant even know where your own stuff is?”
I felt my stomach drop, and tears welled up in my eyes remembering other memories where I was seen and treated as a “bad kid” when I acted in developmentally appropriate ways.
In this moment, I decided to lean into my own advice, and take this as an opportunity to learn about myself and the world.
I decided to sit with the messages that were coming up in my brain and notice what part of me is coming up. I noticed it was a young girl who had a lot of doubts around if she was going to make her way in the world. She had been sitting in shame and guilt, and I could sense this part really needed my help.
I sat down with her and I let her know,
Salam (Hi), I can sense you are feeling down because you cant find your wallet. It is really sad we cant find the wallet. its okay to feel sad, but I want you to know that you are safe, and that I don’t think you are “bad/disorganized”. My love, your are not bad, you are a human being. Let's breathe and notice where you are carrying this pain. As we sat down, she brought to my mind’s eye a bunch of memories where she did not feel good enough, and felt like ‘a bad tara.’ I let her know that what I care about is that she feels valued and worthy. A wallet will never mean more to me than her. I let her know that even if the wallet was lost, I am an adult and I will be able to retrieve it/replace what was inside. Tara with a capital T, my adult self is fully compenent to figure it out, and that it is not a burden for me to do so, it is an honor. As we did this, I noticed a shift in my body, I felt regulated again. I remembered that I am an adult who is allowed to make mistakes. That my worth does not come from being perfect, it just comes from being. That I don't get gold stars for being the most organized person, and that I value having a kind and nurturing relationship with myself more than anything else.
As this young part of me felt calmer, I asked if she would like to approach this wallet finding as a fun scavenger hunt.
This reminded me that our approach towards life is very important. A quote that came to mind is this:
“Don’t be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.”
Whilst I could have started to engage in negative self talk like “damn it you always lose stuff, get it together,” it was so fulfilling to stop that behavior and replace it with healing my younger part of me.
It is our role as adults to take action and befriend our younger selves. If we let parts take control and live in the same cycles, nothing will change in our lives. If we, however, are intentional and disrupt our own neuronal wiring, we will live lives that feel authentic to us, and feel far more fulfilling.
And in case you were curious, I found the wallet :). And what felt more special than finding the wallet was having been kind to little Tara :). Cause she deserves kindness and tenderness.
It was also very healing to my younger part that my partner came in and checked in on me and gave me hugs as I was looking for my wallet. My partner also reminded me that the wallet does not matter as much as me being kind to myself. This is a testament to how important it is that we surround ourselves with people who help us grow and help us heal. Healing does not happen alone, and that is beautiful.
What would it look like to take day to day stressors as opportunities to grow and heal?
Tara :)
